Economics of Courtship

In this article The Dating Game: The Dangers of Cash-based Courtship, Anne Morse provides an interesting take on that ever present question of who should pay on dates. I had long held to the idea that "old-fashioned" dating meant the girl should let the guy pick up the tab when he insists, but couldn't help wondering what he gets for all his money. I've been told "the pleasure of her company" and such, but I should certainly hope the girl enjoys his company as well or that would be a sad state of affairs indeed.

In the olden days (think Jane Austen era), mothers would give men permission to call upon their daughters, and the courtship took place primarily under the parents' eyes, all at no cost to the gentleman. Furthermore, it was considered highly inappropriate for a girl to accept gifts from a man, as she would then be seen as "owing" him. Consider in Gone With the Wind when Rhett Butler offers Scarlett a hat she knows she should refuse, but decides to keep even if she must allow him to "take liberties". Or when Rhett informs her, "I am tempting you with bonnets and bangles and leading you into a pit. Always remember I never do anything without reason and I never give anything without expecting something in return. I always get paid."

I remember reading that in elementary school and wondering what the big deal was in accepting a gift from a guy, but having experienced the imbalance and sense of debt our so-called "old-fashioned" dating system creates in a relationship, I've since restructured my views on dating. Not that I believe any of the Christian gentlemen I know would entertain such thoughts as Scarlett's infamous beau, but there is something to be said for keeping money out of a relationship as much as possible.

So to any such gentlemen who've ever had a girl refuse to let them pay and wondered if the girl has fallen in with the droves of independent feminists, I'd like to offer up the alternative that perhaps she is merely holding to the more old-fashioned idea of courtship our great-great-grandparents enjoyed.